After they returned from Calamity Flats, Lulu donned her tacky Bling Ring and expected to hear from the witch immediately. She found herself rushing to the phone any time it rang. One part of Lulu’s brain told her that goading, poking, prodding, or in any way annoying witches was probably a risky idea, another part couldn’t wait to break the news of the Bling Ring to the witch. And there was still the part of her that really was dying to meet her most mysterious, malevolent relative, even though meeting her could occasion actually dying. But then, Lulu believed in ghosts and could think of several advantages to being one.
She also thought that maybe, just maybe, (if nobody else was around) when the witch called she might let slip the fact that Reggie was still available for kidnapping and had no magical protection. Or perhaps she might vaguely suggest her monkey idea--if she could think of a way to bring it up without sounding like she wanted it to happen. She might just say something like “and I hope you don't turn my poor little brother into a monkey.” Nobody would ever know. It was a long week of waiting before the phone call came.
“I’m coming to get you soon, Lulu,” the witch professed in her most sweetish evil tone.
“I’m wearing a Magical Ruby witch-Repelling Bling Ring, so you can fly your mop out here if you want, but I’m not going to West Texas,” Lulu informed her. Then she told the witch about the Marginal Wizard.
“Hmm,” said the witch. “How dare you possess that ring? It’s mine!” This made very little sense to Lulu, since the vulgarity of the ring was supposed to be something the witch couldn’t tolerate.
“The Marginal Wizard said your powers were negated by this Ring. How can it be yours?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” the witch replied, sounding unperturbed. “Let’s just say for the present, that there’s quite a bit that Marginal pretender doesn’t know. And the most important thing he doesn’t know is how much he doesn’t know.”[42]
“Well, if the wizard is wrong about the ring why don’t you just fly out here and get me?” Lulu dared the witch.
“Well, the ring could, presumably facilitate an escape, but probably not in the way you think.”
“I won’t take it off and you can’t make me,” Lulu replied. “You foul, ugly old hag.”[43]Lulu stuck out her tongue at the phone yet again, and again the witch saw this in her crystal ball. “But Reggie doesn't have anything to protect him.”
“How interesting that you should mention such a thing,” the witch remarked.
“You might as well kidnap someone else because I'm not taking off this ring. And don't even think about turning my brother into a monkey.”
"A monkey? Well, you are an imaginative little varmint, aren't you?"
"Well, now you can't get me…"
“I can bide my time, brat, and I don’t anticipate it being a very longtime, either,” the witch answered, after which the line went dead.
“Who was that?” Reggie asked as Lulu hung up the phone.
“Oh, it was just the Wicked Witch of West Texas again, but I told her she couldn’t get us because of the Bling Ring.” Telling the witch about the Bling Ring felt good as she hoped it would. The witch’s response, however, killed her momentary feeling of satisfaction. She expected the witch to be angrier, to rant about being defeated. But the witch was calm. She even said she wanted the ring back, which didn’t quite match what the wizard told them. That was worrying.
“Maybe we shouldn’t tell her about that,” Reggie pointed out, having followed Jake into the room. “Isn’t it better to have a secret weapon? That’s what they always do in the movies.” Reggie liked the idea of a secret weapon and hoped that maybe Jake still could be convinced to get him one, too. In fact, now that the witch knew Lulu had the ring, maybe, Reggie thought, the witch would decide she wanted him. Then Jake would have to get him a magical secret weapon and hopefully it would be in the form of a bb gun.
“You don’t know anything about witches,” Lulu said to Reggie, as if she were quite the expert. “I know exactly how to handle the witch.”
“By the way, Lulu,” Jake said. “Your teacher called and said she wanted you to take off the Bling Ring today and you refused.”
“I told her I couldn't because of the witch,” Lulu explained.
“Yes. Well, don't tell her about the witch any more. I explained to her that you have wikiphobia, which is an irrational fear based on a fantasy about witches, stemming from a bad experience with overeating and watching a movie about witches. She seems content to let you keep the Bling Ring on for now.”
“But I was telling the truth about the witch,” Lulu objected.
“I know that, but your teacher wouldn't understand. You two run along and play, now. Just remember, no more talk about the witch at school, or anyplace else, for that matter. It’s best to keep the family secrets a secret. And always remember that if there’s something you don’t understand, you can ask us.” With that, Jake turned back to searching for the TV remote.
Lulu just shook her head. It seemed like some people were always contradicting themselves. She was sure she wasn’t going to ask her dad about it. It did seem that this was a situation covered by the WWJD bracelet.
[42]A problem common in the knowledge-deficient. There is no cure because the victim is unaware of his trouble and, therefore, refuses to attempt a cure.
[43]Of course, this is before Lulu and Reggie ran afoul of the creature actually known as the Nightmare Hag, and after, as well.
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