Chapter 27: A Final Fit, Which Would Seem the End, But Isn't




“Now, Lulu, Reggie,” Jake began, looking stern. “You know very well that as bad as the Wicked Witch of West Texas is, and she is bad, nobody can fly or go through paintings, or access alternate universes, or do time-travel. I want you both to admit you made up this kidnapping story as a not very subtle bid for attention brought about by anxiety pertaining to your growing realization that we, your parents…”
“But all of that really happened,” Lulu objected.
“Yeah,” Reggie said. “It really happened. At least some of it happened. The part about Kubla Khan didn’t, and she made up the magic painting part, but some of the rest mostly really happened.”
“As creative as it is, kids,” Anne began, “and it is creative, you have to learn not to make up stories and then try to pass them off as fact. You do that enough and you’ll end up a politician or a hack writer.”
“But we really didn’t make it up. If it weren’t for the Time Warp, you’d know that,” Lulu objected again. “It happened… errr… will happen. I’m not clear on how that part works.”
“See,” Jake pointed out. “Your crazy story is getting fouled up by time-travel paradoxes. That’s what you get for making things up.”
“I didn’t make it up, though,” Lulu objected yet again. Then she remembered the call.
“The witch called you when she had us trapped in the taco stand.” Lulu had him now.
“That was just another of her crank calls. I've gotten several over the last few months. Besides it just happened not even an hour ago.”
Anne turned to look at him with astonishment.
“Maybe you’ve been reading too many of those nonsensical books,” Jake said, staring a warning at Lulu. She knew she’d better just go along or next he’d be trying to screen her reading for weirdness, and when that happened, things might get very dull.
What she wasn’t going to point out, because it would definitely get her in hot water, was that despite Jake’s proclamations that Lulu’s story was all made up, he was perfectly willing to believe in a Magical Witch-Repelling Ruby Bling Ring, poison fog, a charmed bezoar, the Walla Walla curse, lucky socks, and who knew what other impossible things.[94]When it came to believing impossible things, Jake had plenty of practice. Yet, somehow, he didn’t seem to think that was a paradox.
“But it really did happen,” Reggie insisted. “She took us away through a dimensional portal, and then we made tacos until the giant wasps carried us off to a black room with curtains and no doors or windows. Then we landed in Sugarland… somehow.
Jake folded his arms in front of him and gazed sternly at Reggie. “Yes? Don’t stop there, Reggie. After all we want Santa Claus to hear all of the fibs you have to tell in time for Christmas. Because you know how Santa feels about children who tell fibs.”
“Uhhh. Never mind.”
“Santa can hear all of this nonsense, you know,” Jake continued, even though Reggie had relented. “If you want Santa to bring you that BB gun you asked for, Reggie, or the chemistry set, Lulu, you might want to consider telling the truth.”
“Well, since we found out about the Wicked Witch of West Texas we've been a little more imaginative than usual, maybe...” Lulu explained.
“That’s better,” Anne declared. “If you think for a minute, you'll realize that it was a dream. You just took a little nap and had a strange dream. That's all.”
“That’s right,” agreed Lulu. She hoped Reggie would give up talking about their adventure because she knew their parents were never going to be convinced they had been kidnapped when they came back only five minutes after the moment when they were first taken. Nobody had even realized they were gone.
She pushed her hands deep into her pants pockets, where, to her surprise, she found a small vial. She didn’t take it out, but merely explored it with her fingers until she realized what it was. She vowed to get rid of it as soon as possible because she didn’t ever want to be tempted to obliviate anyone again.[95]She’d learned her lesson, or so she told herself.
“Dinner is almost ready. You two go and wash up.” Anne turned toward the kitchen.
Lulu's mind kept going back over her experiences in Sugarland, which, in retrospect, made this normal evening seem petrifyingly boring. She was glad when her parents said it was bedtime. At least she'd be alone to think and she'd surely have some amazing dreams.


It would be a few days before Bob would arrive back, looking no worse for his long journey and unable to tell his tale. Lulu's parents wondered aloud many times where he might have been those days he was gone, but Lulu didn't dare say, even though she was worried she'd never see him again.


Read on to the alternative endings>>>>>>>>>



[94]The first and foremost of which, was, of course, the existence of a wicked witch in the family tree.
[95]Even as she made this determination, she imagined the advantages of having her entire immediate family, and perhaps even the entire town, obliviated, which she is clearly not going to do.

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